


Duality

by Fortune_Favors_The_Brave



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, Blood and Gore, Cannibalism, Comfort/Angst, Dehumanization, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, F/M, Hate Sex, M/M, Mind Control, POV Multiple, Platonic Romance, Swearing, and want to stay alive, dumb teens who love each other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-08
Updated: 2014-01-24
Packaged: 2018-01-08 00:17:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1126092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fortune_Favors_The_Brave/pseuds/Fortune_Favors_The_Brave
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When mass confusion and bloodshed begins to spread panic and death around the world, friends are separated and nobody can be trusted. Their only chance is to find each other and survive but with each life lost they lose a little of who they used to be, while others find who they truly are. There is no morality now, all that's left is how far they are willing to go for what they treasure most.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Equius

The flight had been fairly pleasant as far as Equius was concerned, the staff were friendly, hot towels were provided and the food was thankfully vegetarian and tasteless, which was more palatable than anything else he had ever eaten on a plane. But then again Equius was an easily pleased man, not one to bother complaining or cause a needless hassle. Not that he was usually, after his therapist recommended doubling his regular dosage he had found a calm sanctuary in not feeling the need to smash things quite as often. After several restaurants, a petting zoo, furniture outlet and the museum of mechanical history, it would be a bit embarrassing to also be banned from his father’s own airline.  

Nepeta however had spent the past few hours with her sharp fingernails buried firmly into the already tattered armchair, hyperventilating and requiring the use of seven sick bags as well as Equius’s souvenir baseball cap. It had gotten to the point where one of the staff had been ordered to stay with her until the plane touched down. Equius assured them that she was just a little nervous on her first flight, the staff nodded sagely as if to say they had seen it all before. After surviving the landing Nepeta was the first out of her chair, she barged through the other passengers with a green tinge to her skin, leaving Equius to gather their luggage and apologise to the man in front of them, who had suffered more than his fair share of Nepeta’s stomach acid during turbulence. The passenger was a portly fellow with an expensive suit, small stubby nose and a greasy come-over; he had the unbecoming look of someone who felt far too important to suffer the degrading experience of travelling coach

“Excuse me, Sir.”

The man cranked his thick neck around and squinted up to see Equius standing in the seat behind him, though his vision was blurred from both a lack of sleep and several sizeable glasses of cheap red wine.

“You were with that girl,” the man slurred, “the one that couldn’t keep her damn breakfast down.”

“Yes, and may I say that I am deeply apologetic regarding the pieces of her previously digested meal that was projected most unintentionally towards you, though I must ask that you refrain from such distasteful language” Equius muttered through a soft German accent. Though he spoke more than five different languages, he was most proficient in English since it was the only thing that Nepeta understood despite his constant attempts to educate her.

The apology however did not seem to go down quite as well as Equius intended; though his words were honest he still had yet to acquire the skill of a sympathetic tone which would have made him sound less like he was mocking the already irritable man. The passenger’s eyes bulged in disbelief and his cheeks swelled out which only served to give him the appearance of a red party balloon ready to pop. He rose from his chair, revealing underarm sweat marks that rivalled even Equius’s on the grossness ratio.

“Now you listen here boy, after four fucking hours of hell sitting in front of you and that broad that you’ve been molly coddling this entire trip, I’m gonna say whatever damn thing that I”-

Equius sucked in a ragged breath through his teeth and got out of his seat to completely face the man, who sobered up considerably when he could see Equius in the full scale. The first thing anyone ever noticed about Equius Zarhak on first meeting, he was big. Equius was a six foot five, two-hundred and forty-two pound war machine of rock hard muscle and the crossest face you could ever meet. His nose had been broken more times than he could count on one hand so it had an ugly crooked twist along the bridge that accentuated the flare in his nostrils. Even more disturbing were the gaps of missing teeth that left nightmarish black holes in his already unsettling smile, small mean pupils were hidden behind tinted glasses left shattered from a misunderstanding that occurred in an Irish pub. That morning had Equius not taken his prescribed medication that controlled his temper and sweating, a curled fist flying towards him may have been the last thing that the passenger would remember, for a very long time.

When Equius managed deal with the passenger he left the plane in a hurry with bags loaded over his shoulders to find Nepeta through the busy, huffing gathering of travellers. He spotted her quickly, as well as making Nepeta look several years younger than she was, her bright pink cat hoodie contrasted starkly against the washed out grey business suits that many around them were wearing. She was curled up by a cast stone water fountain that featured two divinely sculpted naked women with chains hanging off their bodies, twisting their spines and stretching their arms into bizarre broken positions, seemingly screaming out their torment to the sky or God. For a moment Equius was so lost in the artistry that he failed to notice that Nepeta was accompanied by another passenger from their plane and a white wolf like dog beside her. He quickened his pace in worry; a dog of that size could easily rip off Nepeta’s arm if it wanted to.

The girl was rubbing Nepeta’s shoulder soothingly and smiling brighter than the sun, she had dark, tangled hair that reached all the way down to her lower back and though Equius couldn’t be sure which one, he thought to himself that she looked to be from one of the black islands. She definitely had a quirky sense of fashion, even by Equius’s standards. A long skirt with a pink and yellow floral pattern cut just below the knee clashed bizarrely with worn out combat boots and a woolen red and green Christmas sweater that had undoubtedly been handmade with patience and dedication by someone who cared enough to neatly knit out the name “Jade” on the back. Clearly this Jade reciprocated the affection enough to wear it in the thirty eight degrees of mid-July heat. Through comically round glasses were friendly hazel eyes brimming with  an innate curiosity for her surroundings, wherever she was from must have been very different to the dull city they had arrived in. When Equius approached them her dog growled menacingly through its muzzle, a deep low sound in the back of its throat that set him on edge.

“It’s ok; this is my first flight too. I’m sure you weren’t the only one who threw up, I mean even I felt kind of vomity for a while,” the girl reassured his friend kindly.

“Nepeta, do you require any medical assistance?” Equius asked quietly. Upon noticing his arrival Nepeta stood up shakily and went to him, though not without difficulty. Jade whispered into her dog’s ear and it ceased growling, though it continued to watch Equius with caution.

“No I’m fine, no lion,” she groaned either from the sickness or the terrible pun, possibly both, “sorry fur making you carry all our stuff here by yourself.”

“That’s perfectly alright, as long as you’re ok,” he said then turned to the dog and its owner, “thank you for looking after her.”

“No problem and sorry about my dog. He’s just a little over protective,” the girl offered her hand enthusiastically to Equius; “I’m Jade, nice to meet you!”

Equius took the hand as gently as he could and shook, introducing himself and Nepeta in turn. He noticed the reflective yellow coat of a Seeing Eye dog worn on her mutt and looked to Jade, who stared straight back at him and beyond the glasses didn’t seem to be even a little blind as far as he was concerned. Jade saw his scrutiny and giggled.

“Bec doesn’t like travelling alone, so I made some arrangements,” she winked and wrapped his leash securely around her wrist, “but you won’t tell anyone, right?”

As harmless as it was, Equius wasn’t quite impressed with such an unnecessary and most certainly illegal exploit. Despite this she had helped Nepeta so he supposed he would let it slide.

“Your secret is secure with me,” he assured her, “however we really must be on our way, the train we need to catch is scheduled to leave precisely ten minutes after the plane landed so we don’t have much time to dally about.”

“Actually the plane landed pretty early, my friends won’t picking me up for a while so I was gonna get some late lunch. Do you guys wanna join me?” Jade offered.

Equius was just about to politely decline her proposal when he saw how much Nepeta perked up at the mention of food. He guessed that she must have already emptied everything she previously had in her stomach.

“Don’t be silly, we’re starving. You would be ok with that, wouldn’t you Equius?” Nepeta asked in excitement, licking her lips as if they hadn’t been covered in vomit just twenty minutes ago. It made him a little queasy but how could he deny her?

“Yes, that would be fine. I’m sure there must be an adequate food court around here somewhere”-

“Excuse me,” a muffled voice interrupted, “sorry but I have to ask that you follow me.”

The person that spoke was a middle aged woman with a pinched face and a wide forehead, wearing a long white doctor’s coat that covered her long bony body. She was flanked by two burly security men; all were wearing foam sterilisation masks and thick rubber gloves. Equius didn’t like the demanding tone of the doctor of the way the guard’s fingers were hovering just over their beating sticks. It worried him and from the growling of Bec, he felt that he should be.

“And why, may I ask, would that be necessary,” he responded gruffly, folding his muscular arms in a cross defiance that gave the security guards apprehensive looks.

“Unfortunately on the last few flights we’ve had a number passengers arrive with some sort of medical condition, so far it’s caused excessive vomiting, fainting, dizziness and what appeared to be a violent psychosis in one case. We’re not sure what the situation is but we’re just asking you to come with us so we can run some simple tests to make sure you haven’t contracted anything and that you won’t get ill when you’re too far from help,” the doctor explained briskly. Equius observed that her eye was twitching and her fingers kept playing nervously with a strand of hair that had freed itself from the tight bun perched atop her head. She certainly wasn’t telling the whole truth to them and if there was one thing Equius hated most of all, it was lying. And poor people.

“How long is this gonna take, I mean I have family waiting for me and I don’t know their phone numbers well enough to tell them where I am,” Jade asked the doctor anxiously. Equius supposed that family overseas probably wouldn’t contact each other on the phone; it would be far too expensive. Then again he wouldn’t know about it, the only person that he cared for was Nepeta and she would never leave his side.

“Yeah and we have already booked hotels and made a lot of plans. Plans that you kind of need to be there on time to enjoy,” Nepeta chipped in pointedly.

“Listen, we don’t know exactly what's going on but I do know that you could irresponsibly infect the public as well as your friends and family. Would it really be worth the risk?” the doctor asked, though it was clear that she was angling for a guilt trip Equius suddenly remembered Nepeta’s sickness. He had just assumed it was the flight but he wasn’t quite as sure anymore. It was obvious that Jade had become worried about infecting the people waiting for her so it didn’t look as if any of them were leaving any time soon. Equius nodded to them in compliance but Nepeta wasn’t quite as ready to give up her three day pass to the annual Splendicon just yet.

“But our bags, I mean we can’t just leave them there or someone might steal them or something,” the smaller girl protested frantically.

“We’ll arrange for someone to pick up your luggage, they’ll be stored away in security lock up until you’re ready to collect it,” the guard informed them abruptly, his neat little moustache quivered behind the surgical mask with each new syllable.

“What about my dog, I can’t leave him or he’ll get upset,” Jade added looking worriedly at her beast. She wasn’t fearful about making it upset but rather who it would attack in the process.

“We will take your dog to a quarantined holding facility, I will escort you to the medical centre that you’ll be staying at for an hour or so,” the doctor told her somewhat impatiently, suspiciously searching Jade’s eyes for any sign of vision impairment. From the scoff that followed she seemed to have concluded that there was none.

“Come on now Nepeta, we’re going with the doctor,” Equius informed her in a manner that left little room for discussion, Nepeta could only stare in astonishment at the level of obnoxiousness her friend regarded her choice in the matter. Or lack thereof really. 

“But Equius I’m fine, fur-real I’m all better now it was probably just that gross spinach lasagnay that we got on the plane I mean come on what was that right?” She pleaded desperately, this had been the one big thing she wanted to do and Equius had promised her for months they wouldn’t miss it. If they didn’t catch the train, the tickets they bought would be useless and no other train from their area would be going to her convention. Equius only frowned and shook his head.

“No Nepeta, I’m not allowing you to risk your health for some frivolous media convention of freaks, we are going to the doctors and that is non-negotiable. Also it’s pronounced ‘ _lasagne’_ ,” he replied firmly, hoping his authority would stamp out any idea she had of causing a fuss. His demand did no such thing however, in fact the final straw of patience that Nepeta could hold for her dear friend burnt into a sizzling crisp and the ashes scorched a hole hrough her tongue.   

“You know what Sir Sweaty Horse Balls? I think not,” Nepeta snapped angrily.

"Nepeta this is silly, stop it right now." Equius ordered stonily, almost a little embarrased at his friend's outburst.

“I was dragged all the way to the Paw-th of England in the winter season, which is purr-ity cold might I add! We went to all the dumb history meow-seums you wanted to see, took stupid pictures of old shitty buildings for hours in the rain and I had to watch you suck at archery over and over and we used all our shopping money to pay for the broken bows!” Nepeta’s screeched, her frustration had boiled over into a manic rage that was building with each heavy breath, she could feel her heart beating searing hot blood through her small body and making her more livid by the second. Then, much to the shock of everyone around her, Nepeta snarled revealing two sharp fangs that looked deadly enough to tear through the toughest flesh. She took an animalistic posture and started to quiver with fury. 

“Nepeta I”- Equius tried to speak but Nepeta took a vicious step towards him before he could say another word. Equius could only stand there with his eyes wide and his mouth agape in complete and utter disbelief, never, not even once no matter how angry she could ever have been at him; Nepeta had never spoken to him or anyone in such a way before.

“You know what the worst part is though? When there was just one thing I wanted, do you even remember it Equius? One of my favourite English authors was gonna do a book signing at a shop just twenty minutes from where we staying, this was a chance that I would purr-obably never get again in my life. So I begged you, I only wanted to do this one thing while we were in England, that was it! Do you know what he said?” Nepeta paused then leaned forward to glare at Equius straight in the eye, he could see her pupils slicing into mere slits.

“You said that we couldn’t because we had to go down to the friggin Shire stables of Hobbit land or some shit and ride horses in the valley because they’re noble and majestic beasts. YOU CAN RIDE HORSES ANYWHERE EQUIUS; YOU CAN’T GET A SIGNED COPY OF ‘ _NINE LIVES NINE LOVES’_ BY MY _FAVORITE_ AUTHOR KITTY QUEEN IN AMERICA NOW CAN YOU?” She roared spraying spit across the floor, the security guards began to apprehensively close in on them, and their hands were now unsteadily grasping their batons as crowds had gathered behind them to view the drama.

“BUT YOU KNOW THE _BEST_ PART, MY VERY BEST MOST TREASURED MOMENT OF THE _ENTIRE TRIP_?” Nepeta took a deep breath then her words flowed out calmly but ever so icily “It was when I realised that I didn’t need to stay with you, I could have just left you to get my book signed and that would be that. You could not stop me no matter how much you ordered me around like a little kid throwing a tantrum. But I was worried; I worried that you would hurt someone or get yourself into trouble, so I went with you. And when we got there after a three hour coach ride, we were kicked out _five minutes_ after we arrived.”

Even Jade side eyed Equius a little after that. A feeling of confusion and guilt hit Equius like a kick to the stomach, had he really been so oblivious to her rising animosity towards him? Through-out the entire trip she hadn’t complained once about their series of misadventures, he had thought they were both having a reasonably enjoyable time. Perhaps he had been too selfish when it came to the events they had planned.

“Nepeta I am deeply sorry. It was _foolish_ and insufferable of me to put myself before you and I swear that I will keep in mind to consider your feelings more from now on,” he promised her softly, choosing each word with guarded precision so as to not incite any further rage from his friend. It didn't work.

“SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP YOU PRETENTIOUS DOUCHEY”- Nepeta suddenly clapped her hand to her mouth and fell silent. It was as though she had awakened an animal deep inside her and regretted ever letting it escape through her teeth. She looked up to Equius with a mixture of shock and fear, eventually she removed her hand from her quivering lips and whispered to him, “I’m sorry Equius, I’m so sorry I didn’t”-

Then she stopped herself and once again covered her mouth but it wasn’t  spiteful words that she was holding back, instead fireworks of pain rose from her stomach and burned her throat raw. A trickle of blood seeped between her fingers and dripped down her chin before she could no longer hold it back. Nepeta keeled over as her body released a tidal wave of dark red sludge that splattered into the water fountain, turning the filtered water into a bath of blood, more gruesome than any gore Equius had ever encountered. The crowd behind them chorused with disgusted cries, some even had the nerve to film the spectacle but Equius didn’t even notice. His mind turned blank and a tunnel vision of panic overcame him when Nepeta’s eyes rolled into the back of her head and she passed out onto the cold marble floor, soaking her soft short hair and staining her clothes in the red liquid that had overflowed from the fountain and cascaded to the ground. For a moment his heart stopped completely and Equius could feel the air in his lungs slipping away at the thought of her not waking up, he could have sworn in his terror that she wasn’t breathing. 

Beside her in an instant, Equius pushed Jade out of the way to lean over and listen for a heart beat. It didn't take him long to hear the eratic banging in her chest that was steadily increasing to a dangerous thunder, he hadn't been this scared since Nepeta had nearly drowned in his pool when they were twelve. Looking helplessly back to the doctor Equius scooped his dear friend into his arms, her head lolled back and her arms were limp, completely unconscious. 

"What's wrong with her? Help her!" He begged desperetely, all doubts for the doctor vanished and instead were replaced with a single chanting plea in his mind.

_Please let her be okay,_   
_Please let her be okay,_   
_Please let her be okay._

The doctor merely nodded robotically and motioned for the security men, who had been busy dismantaling the crowd, to return. 

"Follow me," she said. 

 


	2. Rose & John

_Rose_

Your ears tick with every silent second you’re forced to suffer seated in the stiff wooden chair, which you have now occupied for well over two hours pretending to read a battered Freudian psychology text, first edition but too second hand to matter. The window that you’re waiting by is pouring in the harshest light of a summer afternoon and glaring cruelly at the peak of your vision but you will not move for fear of missing his arrival. So when the house doorbell chimes away in the style of Harry Potter’s eminent refrain your frustrations get the better of you and the pencil held in your left hand snaps, showering the carpet with splinters of lead. You wonder how long before you break in the same way. You loathe that doorbell with the same fierce hatred you hold for anything your mother finds endearing.

_‘Charming’,_ Ms Lalonde had thought _, ‘tacky,’_ you concurred.

Then you remember that this is the sound you have spent those hours listening for. The ring of the doorbell seems a surreal melody now, a welcoming home of sorts. Breathless with anticipation you lay your forgotten text on the coffee table beside you and pause to contemplate the moment. Without realising your bottom lip is already gnawed into near bloody tatters, you breathe deeply until oxygen is forced so far into your lungs that they feel as ready to explode as you do. You think to yourself that this is silly, this should be the most exciting moment of your life and yet you feel scared to death.

 “Was that the doorbell, is he here?”

In the midst of an uneasy attempt to calm yourself, blonde and black tresses streak in front of your eyes heading straight for the door, both Roxy and John’s hand grab and wrench it open hard enough to rattle the frame of the house. You rush to join them, no longer caring to keep composure now that he’s here, upon first sight of your brother a mild gasp escapes your throat. Dave Strider had shot up as most lanky boys do in the summer, though judging by his skin tone he hadn’t spent much time in the sun at all. Dave’s pale face had sharpened with age, his nose was one long strident line that pointed down to thin curve of his lips, his jaw chiselled and chin a polished cut, cheek bones now protrude severely, jutting out and hollowing his features in a way that you dare call attractive. Despite this he had yet to ditch the dark shades and signature platinum cool kid hair that pleasantly reminds you he is still the same reclusive loser you knew at thirteen. Dave only offers a single pained wheeze in return for the crushing hug that Roxy captures him in.

“Yo, I missed you too and all but I’m probably gonna need this spine for like walking and shit tomorrow so if you could let me down big sis I would much appreciate it,” he croaks.

“Yeah Roxy, give the man some space so he can say hey to his best bro,” John’s goofy smile broadens when he pulls Dave into the house and you all realised that as tall as Dave is, John had filled out after the last birthday and Strider was no longer the biggest kid in town.

“Hot damn, check out the Hulks smaller, dorky, brother,” Dave snickers and slaps his step brother on the shoulder, “since you’ve clearly jacked up your equipment I’m sure you wouldn’t mind helping me with these bags-”

You interrupt Dave with a crash that flattens him against the wall, urgently embracing him; arms wrapped tight around his pointed shoulders and your humiliated face hidden in the folds of his shirt. This moment was planned ever since Dave confirmed a month ago that he would be attending the inevitable Egbert-Lalonde matrimonial union. You wanted to be the one to open the door, smile in false surprise, maybe initiate some witty banter to break the ice  then pause and say something syrupy and embarrassingly heartfelt like, “welcome home,” or “it’s good to have you back.” Meticulously you have thought out this scenario enough times to know exactly how you would dress and the precise angle the corner of your lip would turn after half smiling at him. Now that the moment has arrived, none of it is necessary. Dave can sense how much you have really missed him and for that brief important moment he allows himself to be sincere, returning the embrace with as much warmth as he received, burying his face into your short, dishevelled hair whilst you fight to keep your emotions down and mascara dry. After what feels to be a moment both too long and too short, you pull apart and Dave clears his throat uncomfortably, shuffling inside to kick off his muddy converse that might have been bright red once.

“So what’s a fine guest of honour such as myself got to do for a drink?”

“Maybe I can help with that.”

A swift sensation of cold slithers within the atmosphere when your mother saunters unsteadily into the room, Dave stiffens like a corpse and straightens up, his stoic mask returned. Ms Lalonde hadn't received quite as much contact from Dave as her children, not that you feel she deserves it. The older woman stands tall and disingenuously proud, her statuesque figure draped in a hot pink bathrobe, a martini in one manicured hand and a women’s weekly magazine in the other. You lock eyes with her and purse your lips, raising a single stern eyebrow. John and Roxy glance worriedly at each other; the silence settles heavily on everyone’s shoulders.

“No thanks. Bit early to be on the piss, I was thinking more along the lines of some AJ. Maybe some ice if it isn’t too much trouble for you,” Dave responds, baring the slightest  passive facial expression but his words are harshly sarcastic and dry, his tone makes no effort to protect her feelings. Your brother habitually conceals emotions but disdain is not one of them.

_“Though old wounds scab over, it is unwise to scratch at them_.” You remember being told, “ _If they have yet to heal you risk being scarred_.”

 “Come on Dave, you’re bunking with me tonight,” John says, awkwardly ushering your brother up the stairs who only huffs and follows without a second look towards his mother.

 Ms Lalonde’s cool smile drops and there is a touch of sadness to her expression. Perhaps she had planned her own reunion with Dave, maybe wanting the first face to face thing she said to him in four years to be sophisticated and mature, betting everything on one last chance to connect with her son. In your opinion she discarded any rights to a last chance in those thirteen years of alcoholic stupor. Roxy moves closer to you and places what she thinks to be a comforting hand on your shoulder; you flinch and tense up at the sudden contact but tolerate it without protest.

 “This is difficult for her too,” she says gently, her voice is warm and dripping in honey, oh how people adore your sister and for good reason. Roxy’s love is vast and unconditional; her love is carefree and easy. You prickle with occasional envy at both her ability to share herself so openly and pity, for her love comes at a price, this love has hurt Roxy many times before. Behind her your mother slinks into the kitchen like a guilty dog and reaches for another bottle. A blast of anger detonates painfully in your centre and you feel your pulse throbbing violently as the lines of your face harden into a lifetimes worth of resentment.

“Perhaps. However, it isn’t as though I can control my brother’s emotions and if Dave feels that he requires time to process any forgiveness for her, then I can hardly be held accountable for that,” you reply evenly.

“You know it isn’t Dave that I’m talking about here. You shouldn’t be as hard on her as you’ve been lately,” she continues delicately, you want to listen but talking about your mother feels like wading through boiling water, your skin blisters at the very mention of her.

“Just because you have found the compassion in your heart to do so, don’t expect me to just follow suit at your insistence,” you snap back, loud enough for Ms Lalonde in the kitchen to hear. Twisting your shoulder out of Roxy’s reach you shove past rudely to open the front door. Her hand catches your own and holds earnestly. Usually Roxy can cool the fire but today you just want to escape and burn.

“Things are different now; we’re going to be a real family again,” she assures you with more sincerity than you can stand.

“She was the one that tore it apart in the first place. You have no right to judge me for resenting that, I mean God Roxy she-,” your words falter in anger, you take another deep breath to regain control, “she took my brother from me. I don’t know if that’s something I can ever forgive.”

 “He’s my brother too Rose. And like it or not she is our mother and you are her daughter. It wouldn’t kill the two of you to act like it occasionally.”

“I’m trying my hardest here. But you know that even I have my limitations with this. We can’t just make up and pretend it never happened or play happy families again Roxy, it doesn’t work that way,” you tell her sombrely.

“If you can’t do it for her then please, just try harder for me. You know how much I need this Rose,” she asks, looking not into your eyes but through them, into the empty space where your empathy should be. The pressure twitches uncomfortably around your temple as the fight or flight response kicks in. Either relent or say something you know is out of line. A low blow at best and spiteful a term much closer to the truth, however you have never been much of a flyer.

“Oh you would love that, wouldn’t you? Just use another guilt trip to try and force me into baring your abandonment complex and alcohol issues. If you want to keep projecting onto Mom like she’s some smashed mirror you can assemble then don’t involve me what so ever. I’m done with the bullshit,” you deride cruelly. The flames dissolve within an instant when you comprehend what you have just said.

The ashamed sensation of filthy water crawls over your skin, washing out the remaining embers when you see the look of hurt on your sister’s face, it soaks through until the disgrace breathes through your pores. As much as you wish to take it back you’re already half way through the rollercoaster ride of regret, only able to look down from the sky to the miserable pit of a person you are and wait to drop. Roxy turns her back so that you can’t see her on the verge of tears.

Unable to deal you walk out the door and slam it behind, somehow even when she was barely speaking; your mother had ruined the day. Though you detest yourself more than you care to admit, you happily blame the old lady for all of it. Reaching into your pocket with trembling hands from the heat of the argument, you pull out your cigarette case, a habit few know about and fewer approve of. Deftly flicking through them to determine which one to smoke, you tell yourself again for the eighth time that day that this pack will be the last. Choosing one in the bottom corner, you decide to leave the lucky smoke for another day. Sometimes people wonder why someone as stiffly rational as you bothers with idealistic notions such as luck but then again who ever said you were a rationalist? No matter what choices are made the sun goes down and you will die one day. Whether it’s fast and messy like a car crash or slow and poisonous with a pack a day is unimportant, your fate binds you to death and honestly at this point you couldn’t care less if this pack is your last, through choice or otherwise.

After lighting the end you take a long, soothing drag and check your phone to find three messages, all from Porrim Maryam which is a problem you certainly aren’t level minded enough to be concerned with. Groaning internally you delete all of them, trying to remind yourself again why it couldn’t work between the two of you.

One thing you could never fault her on, Maryam has always been hell of a bang in bed. Just her slightest touch sent fireworks through your pleasure system; she could make your knees buckle and your body shiver weakly against the feel of her, whispering everything she wanted from you, carving her nails down your spine hard enough to leave her mark. Sometimes you could get lost, being both intensely terrified and shamelessly thrilled at how much you enjoyed her control over you. After artlessly dating a sixteen year old boy while still in the closet and having to tell him over and over again that no that doesn’t feel good and no you would not do it in a public bathroom, Porrim was a godsend. Perhaps a little too passionate though, it seemed Porrim felt her lion’s prowess was too powerful to be restricted to the cold kitchen floor of monogamous domestic responsibilities. Responsibilities such as not sleeping with half of the people in her women’s studies class for a start, not flirting with every single option in the gender spectrum in front of you and to stop insisting that you need to “ _loosen up_ ,” with her suggestion being a threesome. Though you aren’t as emotionally involved as most would be by this point, you still don’t like to share.

 You are tired of feeling like an idiot, so tired and done with replying back to those messages and waking up alone the next morning with one bra strap hanging off the shoulder and underwear nowhere to be seen, same with your supposed girlfriend. Sexual escapades aside, you don’t think it could work between the two of you anyway. You’ve always been the distant type, an easily bored drifter that people find vexing to be with on any level, a risky investment not worth the potential damage in return. The challenge becomes tiresome quickly enough for most. Really you consider yourself lucky to have what you do now but one day it might be nice to feel something for a change.

 

 

  _John_  


 

Knowing better than to talk about the history between the Lalondes and Striders, you decide it best to stay out of this one. Sometimes it baffles you though, growing up and being raised with as much love and support as your single, proud father could muster, a well-adjusted life was the only one you ever knew. Though Rose and Dave were reluctant to discuss it, you had managed to gather that they did not share your gift of a stable childhood but you had also developed enough tact over the years not to question it. As painful as their distress is to think of, you can’t help but pity Ms Lalonde’s circumstance.  She still struggles with her drinking but had always been nice to you; occasionally you have paid fancy to the idea that she considers you a part of her family. But now that her real son has arrived it already feels like the family is falling apart.

“So man what have you been up to, pressing benches to impress anyone in particular?” Dave asks and wiggles his eyebrows suggestively, “don’t tell me this is about that weird spider chick you met online because that would enter a _whole_ new realm of pathetic.”

 “What? No Dave lower those eyebrows, me and Vriska are just good friends, I think if you met her then maybe”- you bend down to put Dave’s stuff on the bedroom floor then pause thoughtfully, “no actually you probably wouldn’t get along at all but she is funny…in kind of a mean way. How about you Casanova, pull any girls. Or dudes I guess I mean, you like both right so yeah.”

“How articulate of you, now that you mention it I actually had a real good session of casa-bend over last night. Got some killer lube at a kink shop, it makes it nice and”-

“Ok I get it, that’s real nice Dave. Thank you for the images,” your face twists into a  rare grimace and you try vigorously to think of things other than Dave having butt sex and whether or not he would take his shades off for butt sex. He did just about everything else with them.

“No problem, I’m here all week. There’s plenty more to come so don’t you worry about me running out of material,” Dave collapsed exhausted onto his sleeping bag then sniffed his underarm and thought better of it, “actually I’m gonna have a quick shower, that three hour car trip gave me hella gross sweat marks. Where do you keep the shower blankets?”

“The towels? Just in the cupboard at the end of the hall. Don’t spend hours in the mirror styling your hair, we’re picking up Jade soon,” you tease him light-heartedly.

 Dave lazily flips you off and exits the room, shutting the door behind him. You actually hope that Dave doesn’t freshen up too much, when Jade sees the all new, tall teen heart throb Strider her small yet evident crush on him might blossom into an awkwardly one sided fixation. If there is anything you would rather avoid this week, it’s more drama in the family. You deflate with a sigh and go to open the door, only to find Roxy standing there with her fist poised to knock.

“Sorry, I just need to get away from all the Jerry Springer down there,” she mutters and stares forlornly into the carpet. Roxy wears sadness like a dark cloud, you can almost hear the thunder coming.

“Yeah I know how you feel,” you agree, moving aside to welcome her in, “how’s Rose dealing with it?”

“Oh you know, she’s doing what she always does, being Rose. Even if they’re in the same room she pretends that mom doesn’t exist,” Roxy replies somewhat bitterly while moving to sit on your bed, “I swear she makes two years sobriety an impossible fucking expedition sometimes.”

Two years already? It seemed like only yesterday you were holding her hand in the emergency room, tubes lodged in and out from every inch of her body, twining around one another like artificial vines snaring her to the bed. You were the only one there with her for two days straight on suicide watch, even though she insisted the collision had been an accident the darkest shadow of doubt still whispers to you in the back of your mind. Your father and Ms Lalonde had been on vacation, she begged you upon consciousness not to tell them and ruin the holiday. Rose was too horrified to look at her sister’s broken figure; the windscreen glass had mangled her face into something barely identifiable as human. Suddenly you become desperate to wipe the image of her blood soaked face from your mind. The only reminder left is the faint scar running in a jagged line across the side of her face, the rest of the shallow cuts had faded but that had been the deepest one and was still tender to the touch.

“It’s just because a lot is going on right now, give her some time and she’ll come round,” you say without really believing it yourself. Roxy shakes her head and folds her arms; a behavioural trait that you have noticed she shares with both Lalonde’s when either of them got emotional.

“John, my mom has tried so hard to make this work and she’s come a really long way from where she used to be, you know? I’m not gonna lie and say she was the world’s most perfect parent but it’s been four years and I don’t know how long Rose will keep punishing her but I’m done with it,” Roxy clenches her fist tight leaving deep, fingernail marks imbedded in her palm, “please, sort them out for me John.”

Her head is bowed but you suspect she’s crying, you can already see the stress eating away at what’s left of her endurance. You wince at the thought of having to handle another breakdown; the last one had ended with two bottles of tequila, a smashed corduroy and a near death trip to the hospital. You just wish that Rose could remember it as vividly as you do. You know it was mere chance she survived; Roxy probably couldn’t take that again.

“Hey now, there’s no need for that, I’m sure it’s all gonna work out! I won’t let anything bad happen between them. You’ll see Roxy; in a couple of weeks’ time they’ll be shopping for weird wizard books and drinking girly cocktails on the beach together. Hell maybe Dave will fruit up and join them, at least then she’ll have someone to talk about hot dudes with,” you joke pulling her into a brotherly hug.

“Haha yeah right, I’ll believe that when I see it,” she laughs in return, wiping tears on the sleeve of your shirt, “listen though, I need to get back to the apartment, I promised Jane I would help her move the furniture in so tell Dave I’ll see him tomorrow, ok?”

“You bet, don’t worry about a thing Roxy. Tell Jake and Jane I said hi!”

She nods wearily and leaves without another word.  Things had been strained ever since Roxy moved out of the house, Rose had started making any excuse to bicker or attack her mother. You have tried not to intervene and your poor, conflicted father has never felt comfortable trying to assert authority over a child that wasn’t his own, so when the shouting matches started you would both head straight to the underground man-cave and play snooker for a few hours until it calmed down. Dave being here only really fuels Rose’s flames, whatever her brother may feel towards Ms Lalonde is nothing is comparison to the indisputable commitment to which Rose despises her, your only hope is to make sure you don’t leave them alone for too long. If a buffer is needed to keep the family together, for Roxy’s sake you can manage it.

“It’s almost three John, do you think it would be too early to contact Jade and see where she is?”

Rose was leaning casually against the door with her phone in hand. Her posture struck a powerful resemblance to that of Ms Lalonde, not that you would dare say such a thing in front of your step sister. In every respect that Roxy doesn’t quite match her mother, Rose is the spit image. While Roxy had grown into sensual curved lines and a smooth heart shaped face her sister is piercing angles and thin to the bone, long limbs but just graceful enough to not look gangly, sharp eyes, cold and grey as sheets of iron. You used to believe that Roxy was a much happier person than her sister and at the same time admired Rose for superficially not caring about anything. One excruciatingly cheerful and affectionate, the other indifferent and dreadfully aloof, both using the best coping method they know. Camouflaging themselves, but you have seen both of them in their most vulnerable condition; glimpsed past the hooded cloaks and guarded emotions. The things you saw frightened you more than anything.

Despite this Rose had changed in the four years you have known her, gone are the days of simple black shirts and platform boots, now Rose can’t be seen in public without her heavy make-up, ripped tights and at least one article of skull or sea-beast jewellery on display.

Abruptly you are jarred into recalling the first day of walking into high school, nervous but practically pissing with excitement. All your previous middle school friends would be there and good old Mr Egbert had told his small, weedy son that as long as he worked hard and didn’t try to act like something he wasn’t, high school would be the best years of his life. It didn’t work out quite as optimistically as that. First class you were on your own in the corner and by the second class, several people you had called friend decided that they didn’t like you so much after all. By the third, egg-head was your newly christened name and they celebrated by smearing the childishly inane insult with a black marker on everything you owned.

It was the first time in his life that you had experienced cruelty for the sake of it and couldn’t understand what you were doing so wrong. When you got home and your father promptly asked for the day’s report you only smiled reluctantly and said,

“It was so great dad, Michael and Frank are in all my classes but I’ve made some new friends too! You were right, everything was so great.”

“That’s my sport, just make sure you keep up schoolwork with all those friends to talk to,” dad had laughed and ruffled your hair lovingly.

You cried yourself to sleep that night, so ashamed of disappointing him. Who would want such a failure for a kid? The next day you resolved to make at least one friend. As it turned out Rose Lalonde would transfer to that very school on that very day. How stunned you were when she asked to sit next to you of all people.

Rose was beyond pretty in your opinion; she had freckles dotted across pristine skin and long dark eyelashes that fluttered over her cheek when she blinked, the light from the window shone into her pale blonde hair and made it shimmer marvellously. She raised a perfectly arched eyebrow at your gawking until you regained your sense nodded and scooting along to the seat beside the wall. Kids muttered behind you, already conjuring up vicious remarks about the new girl.

“God her lipstick is pretty whorish, I bet she’s done stuff already,” one girl whispered.

“Why is she wearing long sleeves in summer, you don’t think she’s one of those people do you?” Her friend snickered, it was clear that Rose could hear every word. Her lips tightened into a thin line and she crossed her arms over her lap, casually but still noticeably to you sitting next to her, stretching the fabric a little further over her wrists.

“What a freak, she dresses like a vampire don’t you think?”

The classroom erupted into laughter, her face stayed still as stone but the crack of her apathetic façade soon became a fissure. It was all your fault. If Rose had just picked anyone else to sit with, anywhere other than with the weird kid in the corner then she wouldn’t have to be dragged down as well. It was obvious, otherwise how could anyone pick on someone like Rose Lalonde? It would be selfish not to warn her.

“Hey listen, it was nice of you to sit here but you should talk to someone else next class,” you murmured to her, “I’m not exactly Mr Popular here.”

It was fine. You would be fine, maybe even make an excuse so that your dad would transfer you somewhere else. It would be a fresh start but then again why would you be any less of a loser at a different school? Rose just smiled, it was a real genuine smile that lit up her eyes, a switch that lit up the entire room when flicked. Your heart tightened a little and the hollow pit of your stomach churned in anticipation of being dropped.

“I’m looking for friends, not flea bitten dogs snapping at my heels,” she smirked and turned to face the rest of the class, “that’s what a pound is for. I don’t waste my time with bitches.”

A horrified gasp was issued throughout the classroom but cut to a reverent hush over such unprecedented sass. People learnt quickly not to play games with Rose Lalonde, and subsequently you never had to lie about enjoying school a day after meeting her. Four years later and still whenever she smiled, it makes your spirits soar. She had been your sister long before your father had met her mother.

“Nah, I’m sure Jade’s fine. She’s probably just going to chow down as soon as she lands anyway, plus she said it was gonna take a while because she needed to pick up Bec as well,” you say with a frown, MC Allergy Strider hadn’t been informed that Jade was bringing her monster sized dog. Dave had never been a fan of Bec and when you got a look at the set of teeth it carried, you honestly couldn’t blame him.

“Still I think I’ll leave a few minutes early, traffic can be devastating at the airport,” she murmured absentmindedly. Her phone buzzed and she opened the message only to scowl tartly and dismiss it without a second thought. Only one girl gave her that look.

“Are you inviting Miss Young thing to dinner tonight?” you ask, grinning from ear to ear. Not that you’re jealous but you would also be lying if you claimed the new beef cake status didn’t have something to do with Rose’s hot on and off girlfriend, with a taste for both flavours. However a steely look from Rose sends an abrupt shiver down your spine.

“I’m guessing that was the wrong question to ask,” you continue meekly, trying to avert Rose’s hell gaze of fury.

“Oh please John that has been over for a long time” she replies dismissively, flicking her hair back as if to show how much she couldn’t give a shit.

“Really? Most people would say something isn’t over when only a few days ago you invite them to your room at two in the morning thinking that your big brother next door is sound asleep when actually”-

A pillow smacks you square in the face mid-sentence and knocks off your glasses. As blind as you are without them you can still see that Rose is red in the face and fuming but still can’t resist taking another jab.

“Does that mean she’s single then?” you joke before dodging another barricade of pillows and tackle Rose to the floor, she playfully pokes at your ribs and you roll over groaning in mock agony.

“I surrender, I surrender!” You plead before both of you fall back in a fit of laughter. The bathroom door clicks open and Dave comes out, small beads of water still dripping from strands of his hair.

“If there was gonna be a big, gay incest orgy you could have at least invited me,” he sighs, holding a hand over his heart, “don’t you start on that Rose.”

“I’ll add it to my collection,” she says, giving a sly wink to Dave that burns his ears brightly, “also if you just had a shower why didn’t you get changed?”

“I did, I thought you would know by now that I only wear three variations of the same outfit in various colours,” he replies, twirling around for the full 360 view of teen arrogance, “the fitted jeans, hoodie, sneaker combo is such a classic look I decided to dedicate my entire wardrobe to it.”

“Whatever loser, come on lets go get Jade. Her plane should have touched down by now,” you remind them excitedly. You haven’t seen Jade since Dave’s Bro paid for the three of you to fly out to New Zealand to meet her, you have no idea where his generosity and stacks of cash comes from. Well you do know but it is an unspoken rule in the family that his occupations are also not spoken of. Dave’s Bro is just that kind of uncle.

Rose fetches a leather jacket from her room and the three of you hurry down the stairs. Or at least would have if Ms Lalonde hadn’t been blocking the way.

“John, I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind giving me a private moment with Rose and Dave?” she asks softly, it’s been a long time she has looked so serious.

“Actually we have to pick up Jade so we don’t have any time to waste,” Rose responds tersely.

“Please, I won’t keep you long,” she pled, the desperation thick in her voice.

All of you look to each other, Dave only nods and Rose rolled her eyes, you understand and back outside to give them some space. So much for the brilliant plan of yours. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to change it into second person narrative just because it seems to work better so I'll edit the first chapter to match. Bit longer and less plot I guess but the action will pick up soon. Spent a good two weeks over this one so I hope anyone tricked into reading this enjoys.

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a fun little self indulgent project, I'm in this for the long haul though, 50k+ up in here so you'll see a lot of different character's and POV's in this . Any trigger warnings you think need to be added just let me know and I'll put it straight up! Even if only a couple of people end up reading and enjoying this I would love to hear your thoughts, if not thanks for taking the time to read my silly AU.


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